The 'Perfect Moment' Explored
by sazwilkie
Summary: *Future chapters will contain graphic same-sex intercourse*. My interpretation of what has now been rightfully! called 'Chryed's perfect moment'. Hope it doesn't disappoint! R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

**The paragraphs in _Italics _are _Syed_'s thoughts, the ones in the normal font are Christian's**

**

* * *

**_'I've... got to go...'_

_He sees I can't move, sees my words are a lie._

* * *

'Then go.'

What else can I say?

* * *

_My feet move before I can stop them. Slowly they slip along the floor until I'm stood in front of him. I can't think of anything but him. His eyes, his lips, his heart._

_'Sy...'_

_My eyes close instinctively as his silent whisper fills the room, bounds from the walls and finds its way back to me. One word is all it takes, all it's ever taken, and I'm lost again. Lost in him, in us. I'm his again. My skin awakens from his hushed growl, my blood spates through my veins, my heart happily cries as it recognises it's owner and I know there's no way back, there is no choice. It's him. It's always been him. It's easier to block out the world whenever he's near me, standing so close. It's easier because he's the only one that exists._

* * *

I can see it, the pain in his eyes, and I know he's going to break soon. He tries to hide it but I see it. I see everything. His shoulders have carried his strain for to long and they're not going to hold out much longer. It's only a matter of time before he crumbles and falls, and he'll fall hard. As stubborn as he is I know he won't let himself climb back up, wont feel he'll deserve that second chance. I feel cruel not warning him, not telling him I can see it coming. He's cracking but he won't admit it. He's dying a little inside but wont embrace it. He's loosing himself and who he is with every second that passes.

He's falling, and I'm not leaving his side on his way down. I'm his, no matter what.

* * *

_'I can't... I can't leave you'_

_His eyes shine in the dim light and hold my gaze. How does he do it? How does he capture me like this? How does everything else just melt away when he's around? This isn't just love any more. Love is happiness, contentment. This? This is so much more. He is so much more. Something I never knew existed or believed in. He makes my soul crawl out from its hiding place in search of his. What we have, it's bonded us, connected us in a unified link. We are empty without the other. The depth of what I feel for him cannot be measured, it is a story that can never be fully expressed because words cannot convey it. What I feel for him is unique, just like he is._

* * *

'Then don't'

I speak before I can stop myself because I know I shouldn't say the words. I need him to leave but what I want goes against what I need. I want him, here with me. There is no greater want than him, next to me, with me. And how I want him. How I want to be lost inside him again, feel his eyes bore into the very depths of my soul, his soul. Because they are one and the same, mirrored images of each other desperate to live side by side for an eternity. He is more than my soul mate, we are of the same flame. I see past his imperfections and see the beauty of the person he is inside, the true beauty no one else has ever experienced. He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me.

* * *

_'And if I stay?'_

_I hold my breath as his eyes avoid mine. His desperation to release me overwhelms me. He can't stand to see me like this, the turmoil flowing from me at such a pace I'm powerless to stop it. But I see his as well. I see him slowly sink as his head tells him to stop fighting but his heart pleads not to let go. I see his fight to keep me drowning in his tears. How can what we have be so wrong when the lengths we go to keep it are beyond extreme? How can something so right be seen as being so wrong? It's pure, it's clear and it's the answer to who I am._

* * *

'Then you stay...'

I'm helpless, at a loss to him, and I strangely feel happy at it. Despite the years of protests my heart has made I never allowed myself to fall. Never let myself become a part of the wonder that I'd heard of but feared above everything. Because to fall in love showed weakness didn't it? To give yourself, all of yourself, to someone else meant you lost control, were half the man you were. You had no control, you belonged to someone else. And then I met Syed and without warning, he not only transforms my life, my heart. He transforms me. I'm no longer the shallow cry for attention I used to be, flitting from bed to bed doing my utmost to avoid the only thing I actually craved. Because no matter how much I convinced myself that I would never be happy in love, it was the only place I knew I could be happy, be me, be complete. Now, I am a man in love, the deepest kind of love imaginable runs through my veins and it doesn't feel out of place like I thought it would. I don't feel incomplete, I feel absolute. I may have given half my heart away to him but in return I got the greatest gift I could have ever wished for. In return I got him. I am in love and it feels right, it feels just. He's changed the way I've looked at life, what I want from life. Him. Only him.

* * *

_It's my choice, he's made that clear but how can I listen to my head when my heart pounds so fiercely in my chest. It would never forgive me if I refused to follow it. But if I stay will he reject me? Tell me that this will never be enough for him and I have to choose between him and the farce that I have waiting at home? Or if I go will he pull me back into him, wrap his arms around me in the effortless way he does and make me feel like the only man he's ever wanted. Because that's how it feels with him. He claims he's never loved before but he's such an expert at loving me that I sometimes can't comprehend he's virginal in it. He knows too much of how I feel, of my wants. He knows how to love me so expertly that I feel like I was made for him. And maybe I was. Maybe Allah created me for him and him for me. We are the same inside, in our feelings and I know we were meant to be. Our meeting, our connection, it would have found a way for us to be together at some moment in time. But that time came and now I am here, alone with him, and I have never wanted anyone so much in my life._

* * *

I can't pull away, I know that I should, for my own sake I should but I can't. How can I? How can I deny the only person that has ever touched my soul and swollen my heart? It's times like this that I wish I could think rather than feel. Wish I could remember the arguments I've had with myself about why I must give him up. But I can't. There's not a single memory in my head at the moment that doesn't have him beside me smiling and lighting me in a way I could never have prophesied. In my thoughts we are always together and he is always mine and mine alone. There is no family to battle, no wife to compete with. It's only ever us. How can I fight those thoughts, fight him? I watch as his eyes close from the fear of my actions. Does he really think I'd deny him? Reject him? I couldn't even if I wanted to, and I've never wanted to. Ever. He and I? It's just perfect.

* * *

_I close my eyes as I lean closer and find myself praying he wont turn away. I need to taste him, need to re-awaken the man I truly am. He is the only person I know that can do that and I never want to search for another. He is my other, my half that makes me whole. He fills the part of me that I never knew was empty until I met him. Even then, during our first words, our first meeting I could see something in him, something that told me I would loose myself if I let myself. But I didn't let myself, I had no choice. My heart was his from that moment. I just didn't realise it at the time._

* * *

I love you. I love you. I chant the words over in my head because I need an outlet for them. For him to hear them would make him buckle, make him powerless and that isn't what I want. I want him to want me because that's what his heart tells him, not because a declaration from me will cause him to loose control. But I love him, more than I ever thought was possible. My eyes close as I can almost taste his lips against mine. They hover in the nothingness between us and I long to feel them on mine again. Even since this morning I've missed the taste of them.

* * *

_He doesn't flinch as I move in closer. He still wants me, despite everything I've ever done to him, everything I've ever said, wants me. Me.  
_

* * *

My breath halts as our lips collide. Those soft full lips that I know only I truly feel crush against mine in the way that they do and I am alive again. I am me again. I am the man I've missed being. I am in love.

* * *

_One taste I'm taken back, back to the world we've created. Our perfect, unseeable place where no one else exists. No one knows of us and our devotion, our adoration for each other. No one can touch us here for here we exist for each other and no one else._


	2. Chapter 2

**The paragraphs in _Italics _are _Syed_'s thoughts, the ones in the normal font are Christian's**

* * *

_I can't think, I can't even feel. All I know is that I'm here with him and that our lips are joined together in the simplistic form of a kiss, a true kiss. How can such a natural action provoke such meaning? I always thought that a kiss was just that, a kiss. If it really was that simple, if it was just the touching of lips then what is this that we do? What is it that he and I do that touches our hearts and bind our souls the way it does? A kiss from him is what makes every other kiss just a kiss. A kiss from him makes me forget who I am. It's an eternal bliss, never to be forgotten. One kiss from him may only last a moment, but it's everlasting in my heart._

_

* * *

_

Our hearts beat as one as we find ourselves here again, back in the safe haven we've created. Back in our world. And still I weaken from his touch, still I feel his soul touch mine when our lips collide. His soft mouth makes me immortal, makes me speechless from its ability to melt my heart. His kisses aren't just kisses, they're words that cannot be written, feelings that can never be described. His kiss is mine, and I will never let it go.

* * *

_His lips, they warm me as they press against mine, his tongue wraps itself around mine in the way only he can. His taste warms my blood as I feel him surge though my body, our kiss welcomes the merging of our souls and I embrace it. There is no denying how I feel about him. It's not only love it's the most complex sort of love imaginable yet it's the most satisfying because I know it's returned. What I feel for him is what he feels for me. True love.

* * *

_Words have always failed me when I think of the way he kisses me. Only he has ever truly kissed me like this, only he can awaken my body with one touch from his lips. I remember every time our lips have met, every electrical shock that's been sent through my body and all from one kiss from him. But it's not just one kiss that does that, it's one kiss from Syed. There are kisses and there are kisses. Kisses from him have to be felt, experienced, to be believed but I'm not sharing him. No one else will ever taste these lips the way I do and I know he agrees.

* * *

_His cheeks warm the palms of my hands until I can feel his fire travel down inside my body, warming my heart, boiling my blood as it rushes to my brain. His soft skin against my hands is as irresistible as ever. I love to touch his face, love the feel of his jaw as my hand travels down towards his neck. The way the short hairs on the back of his neck tickle the palms of my hands as I pull him closer to me will never cease to make me smile inside. There isn't an inch of his entire body that doesn't have an effect on me. Every piece of him awakens me in so many ways. But more than anything, I love the way he sighs as his skin feels mine. His happy, relieved sigh that I am touching him again. I know his sigh because I sigh the same way.

* * *

_His hand on the back of my neck is the one place I loose control. If ever I was to refuse him all he would need to do is touch me there and I'd loose all rationality. He touches me there in such a way, pulls me closer to him with such a gentle force that I cannot resist his want for me. My eyes are closed but I can feel his need, feel through his kiss that he's offering himself to me. My eyes don need to be open to see the most beautiful thing in existence, my lips can feel him in their kiss.

* * *

_My urge to have him starts spiralling out of control inside of me and I know I won't be able to resist for much longer. This is always the way, always. I never intend for it to lead to sex but I can never stop myself. And neither can he. I pull away quickly and look at him, his eyes sta closed as he continues living in our kiss.  
_

_'Tell me to go...'_

_Slowly, his eyes open in such a seductive way that I regret pulling away from him as I feel my stiffness bulge. His eyes have always entrapped me.  
_

_'_Why_?'  
_

_He already knows the answer but he wants to hear it. Wants me to speak the words that he can relish in.  
_

_'Because I want you.'  
_

_A silence hangs in the air as he looks at me. It lingers in the empty room and echoes from the walls as I feel the panic rise inside me. Instinctively my hand pulls him closer to me.  
_

_'I want you Christian. Tell me to go.'  
_

_Where the smile usually appears on his face there is nothing but a blank canvas, no emotion passes over his face.  
_

_'_Stay_.'  
_

**

* * *

**My sigh escapes my lungs with force as he pulls me into him and we stumble backwards until the wall behind him steadies us both. The heat from his perfect body travels through the fabric that's keeping our bare skin from touching, stopping our bear chests from colliding together. He fuels every inch of me to drive into him despite being so close to him already. Even after last night, after this morning I still need more, always I need more. My satisfaction fades the moment our time is over, the moment of my release brings such a mixture of emotions that I can barely understand. That final push into the oblivion his love-making gives me makes me feel things I never thought were possible. Words fail me for so many things, this is the biggest culprit. Never have orgasmed the way I do when I am with him.

_

* * *

One word, that's all it takes. One four letter word from him is all my ears need to hear, all my mind needs to absorb and all my heart needs to feel to know that to him, I am irresistible. Never have I felt so wanted, so needed. Never have I felt like the only person in existence, the person one pair of eyes look for and settle only when they have found me. Never has anyone made me feel so extraordinary, so elite. To the outside world he is esoteric,__ complex. But to me he makes perfect sense. To me there isn't a part of him I don't understand._

**

* * *

**I smile as he pulls me closer to him and keeps me close. I'm home, here in my safe haven with him is where I belong. My eyes close but it makes no matter. The same image is there whether they're open or shut, if I'm awake or in slumber. All I ever see is him. And that's why I smile.**  
**

_

* * *

He's taught me everything there is to know about love. How to feel it, how to embrace it, how to loose myself completely in it. But more than anything he taught me how to return it. He's shown me that to be loved is the most divine feeling a man can have, but to be able to give him that love in return… to know that he feels what I feel and that I'm the reason for that. That is the most indescribable feeling I have ever experienced and I never want to be pared from it. I try and hold back, try and refuse the insistence my entire body bursts with but I can't, I'm a slave to myself only when he is near and he wants me. Even the touch of his jacket against my skin as I crush it in my hands, pull him closer into our kiss sends pulsation's that are unexpected through me. Anything he has ever touched, worn, been near has the same effect on me that he does. Anything that I can relate back to him becomes him to me. He is everything. Everything I have ever wanted stands before me in Allah's most exquisite form, his finest creation above all others. Should it matter that we mirror each other? Is it wrong that we share so many attributes? Not any more, not to me. My denial over who I really am has diminished, in its place is acceptance of the real me and I relish in the fact that I have finally found who I really am. And that is all thanks to him._


	3. Chapter 3

**The paragraphs in _Italics _are _Syed_'s thoughts, the ones in the normal font are Christian's**

* * *

_It's a confusing emotion, love, yet so simple. Being in love with him is a complete contradiction of everything I believe in, yet it always makes sense when I am with him. I glow when he is near, when he's in my thoughts. It feels like the sun is bursting from my pores, like I could shine forever, and it's all because of him. Him and his beautiful face that mirrors his beautiful soul. There is no way I can describe him apart from perfect. In my wildest dreams he has always played the hero. In my darkest hour he has always rescued me. So many times he's saved my life without knowing it._

* * *

And so it begins, the passion that fires us begins to take it's hold. This is it now, this is the moment reality escapes us and perfection embraces us. This is the moment we want to live in forever. This is what it feels like to be with him. Idyllic. To try and explain this moment to an outsider is a pointless task, they would never understand it as I would never be able to do it justice. He and I, there is no sweeter union. No two souls merge together, bond like ours do. No two faces look so perfect next to each other. I simply cannot convey how it feels to be with him. It's as though time stops when we're together and I'm floating on a cloud of endless possibilities and dreams. He says he shouldn't feel like this about me but why then do I feel like I'm the only person in the world when he looks at me? Why, when he holds me, do I feel as though he is huddling me deep inside his heart? Why does one kiss from him occupy me completely? Within him I lose myself, without him I find myself wanting to become lost again.

* * *

_Touch me. Hold me. Make love to me the way only you can. Show me that the life my heart begs me to live is the right path. Bring my feelings for you flooding back to the front of my mind and never let them sleep again. Take my hand in yours, squeeze it tightly as you promise to never let it go. Wrap your body around me, let us fit together the way we do. Let our skin melt together, gel us so we can never separate. Fuel my heart again and I'll embrace the flames that will never die for you. Care for my soul as it lays next to yours. Love me for an eternity and I will love you back. I will be yours until the end of time. Love me, I'm yours._

* * *

I can almost hear his words as they run through his mind. Tonight feels different in so many ways but it's hard to pin point how exactly. The atmosphere, the tension between us, it's all a mystery and it's him that's radiating it. He always jokes how it's me that controls the time we spend together in bed but it's not. I may lead the physical side of it but only from his emotions. We do what we do according to his mood, his ambience and I'm so hopeless in my love for him that I only want to please him. I can always tell how he wants it. Rough and lustful when he swaggers in with that cheeky grin spread across his face and his eyes almost bursting from his want for me. Or soft, when he does nothing but gaze at me with low love-filled eyes and his lips softly parted. But tonight is different. He needs me right now. He needs me to give him something he's never had before. He needs me to show him that what he feels isn't wrong, that what he wants is the only thing he wants. He needs me to be so much more than his lover right now. He needs me to be his saviour.

* * *

_I love his touch, the way it not only awakens every inch of my skin but every one of my senses as well. One touch of his hand on my flesh sends me into nothingness. Every thought, every feeling I have fades without a trace when he touches me. I am filled with him and him alone. I need him to touch me to feel like that again, I need to feel him pressed against me but I know he'll make me wait, and that's half the appeal. See there's this place in me where his fingerprints always rest, his kisses linger, and his whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of him will forever be a part of me. He knows my body so well, knows exactly where I want him to touch me. He knows how I'm feeling and my wants. He knows everything there is to know about me. He knows I love him... I hope._

* * *

I didn't want it to be like this tonight. When he led me here I swore to myself that I wouldn't sleep with him. But I can't stop myself. He wants it as much as I do and his resistance has never been his strongest feature. I could turn around and walk out of here if I wanted to. It would be torture but I could do it, I know I could. But him? I can't do it to him. I'm his release, I'm the only one he has who lets him be who he is and I love it. He never plans it, ever but I have that effect on him. Boastful I may seem but it's true. To him, I'm as irresistible as he is to me. But he can't control himself or his urges, he hasn't mastered that part yet and I hope he never does. For the day he can say to me, that he could walk away from me in a situation like this is the day he finally breaks away from me.

* * *

_His nearness takes my breath away and all the things I want to say I can find no voice. Only in the silence can I hope he reads my mind. Hope he knows me well enough to know I want him. Love him. I didn't force myself to fall for him it just happened, so naturally, so unknowingly. So silently that by the time I realised it was to late. By the time I realised my heart had already surrendered itself without my knowing and I was the happiest I had ever been. That's why what we have is so precious. It's the surprise that suddenly I'm in a place where I would lay down your life for him. And despite all I've learned, all I've ever been told about how feeling this for another man should anger me, repulse me it doesn't. It completes me.  
_

* * *

This is the part that excites me the most, sends me into a selfless frenzy. Knowing that he's waiting for me to touch him, caress him. Knowing that he wants me right now is the most sexual thing I have ever experienced. I know his patience won't hold out, that he'll push himself forward on to me and I relish in the fact that I have complete control over the situation. But more than that, more than my need to please him, I love that he wants me to have that control. He's on fire in bed but only when he wants to be. Usually he wants me to be in control, throw him around, pin him down but on that rare occasion that he wants me under him instead he'd surprise even the most  
experienced lover with what he does. He's almost to good to be true. His hips move in the most dreamy way, his hands touch me down to my bones.

* * *

_I love this, this moment just as he teases me. It drives me to the extreme that he knows how I feel about it. I want him to touch me, touch my flesh but this teasing is part of the fun. The combination of wanting it and hating it is difficult to describe. The way he teases me keeps me alive, keeps my blood pumping at the speed it is. It keeps me waiting until I'm fit to burst and everything is so much more intense as he plays with me. But I hate it as well. Hate the way he makes me wait even though he knows I want him. I hate my own impatience and the way I thrust myself towards him. I hate that I'm that transparent around him. I crave this part of our time together, yearn for it to last an eternity just to feel the insatiable torment that only he has ever brought. But I want it to be over, I want the teasing to stop because, more than anything, I want him to make love to me._

* * *

I can't help but tease him. He's so easy to read when we're like this and I know exactly what he wants. I never disappoint but I still love the fact that he's so desperate for me to read his mind.

'Still want to go?'

My hands move inside his shirt, brush against his skin just above his waist band.

'Hey... Sy...'

His eyes screw up with such impatience that I smile at him, our lips are still touching as my tongue licks his bottom lip.

'Syed...?'

_'Hmm?_'

My hand moves and makes light work of his belt buckle.

'Do you...'

I pop open the first button on his jeans

'Want me....'

The second button undoes in my hands

'To tell you...'

The third and last open almost by themselves

'To leave?'

My hand strokes him through his underwear as the tips of my fingers travel up his long hard shaft.

* * *

_This. This is the moment I know it's him I want._

* * *

He still doesn't answer me, only his breath escapes his mouth while I gently nibble his bottom lip

'Do ya?'

Without warning I plunge my hand inside his boxers and wrap it around him. His hardness engulfed in the soft skin is the most divine feeling. His sigh is more than that of relief, it's sigh of pleasure, of knowing he's about to experience something truly special. He's about to be made love to.


End file.
